Temperature
by Millennium Biscuit
Summary: Dain hasn't been feeling himself since he was in Tora. Loosely inspired by the song "Glass Slipper" by The Dresden Dolls. Angst. Horrible writing. A teenage author who bashed this out at like 3AM. Eff the police.


**Temperature**

**Fandom:** Deltora Quest

**Pairing:** Lief x Dain

**Summary:** Dain hasn't been feeling himself since he was in Tora. Loosely inspired by the song "Glass Slipper" by The Dresden Dolls.

**Rating:** T » relatively nondescript sex, bad language, shocking characterization, angst etc. I DON'T CARE ANY MORE LOL I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING BY WRITING THIS

* * *

><p><em>how many instances can you point out where i was less than kind?<em>

_how many happy endings do you need to change your fucking mind?_

* * *

><p>"It was an oversight on my part, my Lord. Please forgive me."<p>

_You would allow that human to degrade you?_

"I promise you it was not my intention, but - if I may - it would have been detrimental to the cause to rebuke him. Things might have become... awkward."

_This is true._

"They will never suspect me now. If they do, he will defend me."

_I believed you were going to target the_female_._

"...That was my intention, yes."

A low, rumbling sound like laughter. _Dain._

"Yes, my Lord?"

_Have you fallen in_love_with that human?_

The Ol steels itself. "...Forgive me, my Lord. I do not understand."

_As it should be. Humans are very fragile creatures, Dain. They have many foolish emotions I do not see fit to include in my own creations._

It nods.

_But as you are aware, you were an experimental endeavor, made to mimic them as well as possible. As such you may have... faults._

And for a moment, it - a creature born only of cold, whose only knowledge of warmth is from his own false portrayal of it - feels a chill.

_I need not tell you what should happen should those faults begin... to reflect poorly on you._

There is a tense silence.

"My Lord... my only purpose is to serve you."

_Enter Tora now. My sources tell me they will arrive at the city soon. If you succeed, you will be rewarded, Dain... my favourite._

* * *

><p>"I've always wanted to go to Tora... for as long as I can remember."<p>

They sit as they often do; at the edge of the camp, keeping watch a fair distance from where Jasmine and Barda are curled under their blankets, still and dormant. When Dain lets the vulnerability creep into his voice, Lief sidles closer and wraps his cloak around both their shoulders. It's stupid, really, Dain thinks, the way humans associate warmth with comfort. All the warmth in the world couldn't prevent him from ripping the boy's throat out right now if he so chose.

"It must have been a shock," Lief says quietly. Dain, almost reflexively, leans his head against his shoulder and wonders why this human _cares_ so much.

"I had it all planned out in my head, everything that could possibly happen," he murmurs. "I never imagined this."

Actually, that's partly true; his initial purpose had been to infiltrate the Resistance, but his secondary goal was to enter Tora. His Master had modified him specially to be able to withstand Toran magic, but the Ol had still found himself feeling weak since passing through the barrier. It was like something had been taken from or added to him without his consent - something he couldn't quite identify. For one thing, he's found himself using a gender-specific pronoun. He hadn't bothered until recently, and he's been in this role for years now.

"There were no signs of a struggle," Lief points out, "and I didn't see any bodies... maybe the Torans hid, like the people of Raladin and the Kin."

"Perhaps." The conversation is tiring the Ol all of a sudden; this has never happened before. All he knows is that talking about Tora is irritating him more than it should. Somehow he knows that if he feel strange, it's the city's fault. Dain can't even begin to describe the sensations he felt when he passed through the gateway, simply because he wasn't designed to feel at all.

"Maybe your parents are with th-"

"Oh, just _shut up_." Dain has never spoken that way to him before and the Ol realizes his mistake when he feels the human tense beside him. Immediately, he adopts the soft, delicate tone Lief is used to again. "I-I just... I really don't want to talk about it right now... I'm sorry, Lief..."

And of course, Lief - in all his motherfucking _goodness_ - is understanding, and wraps his cloak around him tighter. Dain nestles up to his side, disgusted to feel himself giving in to the very _human_ desire for warmth and closeness. There's a still silence between them for a little while that the Ol doesn't mind. He likes it when Lief isn't trying to make him feel better - what is the _point_, after all? Ols don't feel yearning or heartbreak when faced with a loss. Ols also don't feel guilt or shame... so what _was_ it he felt as he staggered through the gates for the first time, clutching his head, gritting his teeth?

He can't remember what the worst part of Tora was, really. Was it the images that had rushed through his mind as he'd walked through the tunnel, images of each lie, each betrayal and every wrong deed he has committed? Was it seeing the faces of the people he's betrayed (Doom, the Resistance, Jasmine, Barda, _Lief_)?

No, that's not what bothers him; what bothers him is the brief, disgusting moment he had Tremored. _He_, a Grade 3, the finest of his Master's creations, had lost control of himself like a pitiful Grade 1, and had spent the first few moments inside Tora as a white, shapeless blob, useless and _ugly_. Perhaps that's what's making him feel so strange; unlike other Ols, Dain has never felt the Tremor before. Then again, the Tremor itself wasn't the problem. It was the fact that for that instant in which he had been in his _true_ form, the one he'd been born into, _he had not felt like himself_.

He hasn't left his human shape for years; he's simply modified it gradually as his "character" aged, and leaving his role is not usual for him. Still, not until now has Dain felt legitimately confused about who or what he is. He knows it's something to do with Tora, something to do with the way he was created differently from other Ols, but he can't narrow it down. It's so damn _frustrating_ that he wishes it were possible to just kill the stupid humans and be done with it. He's sick of this stupid charade.

"I never want to see that horrible place again. I want to go home."

* * *

><p>"I wanna go home! I wanna go back! Mister, we have to go back - we have to find my mama!"<p>

"There's nothing left back there. Sorry, kid." Doom never was one to mince words. Dain's always liked that about him. His cynicism and constant paranoia only make the Ol even prouder to have been able to deceive him. Their first impressions of each other were exactly what they wanted them to be; a world-weary man who had no time to entertain childish optimism, and a pathetic child who needed to be protected.

Dain knew that Doom could never have just left him, no matter how much he wanted to.

He'd followed him like a little lost duckling, but really, he'd known exactly where he was going the whole time. Doom hadn't said a word. In fact, he'd totally ignored him until Dain had pretended to faint in order to maintain his 'weak and injured child' persona.

Then he'd done something the Ol hadn't expected; he'd scooped him up in his arms, wrapped him in his spare cloak, and carried him the rest of the way.

* * *

><p>He can't even remember why that memory suddenly bothers him so much, but he can feel himself shaking.<p>

"Dain? Are you okay?"

God, why won't he just shut up? The Ol wants to push him away, but he doesn't want to be cold. All of a sudden, his human body is shuddering and he can hear these weirdly familiar sounds spluttering out of his mouth without him wanting to. Then his eyes start stinging and he can feel something hot and wet running down his face. Oh, God, something's wrong. He's faulty, like his master said, and he will be scrapped... that is, if he's not dying already. The thought makes the feeling worse.

"Dain... a-are you crying?"

_...Crying?_

The Ol freezes up, raising his hand to his face to wipe it dry. He holds his fingers up and watches the reflections of the campfire in the wetness, staring in disbelief. Were he human, it would make sense, but he's not and it doesn't.

He's finished.

"Lief, I- I have to go, I-"

"No... wait."

Lief is gentle when he wipes his cheeks dry with the pads of his gloved fingers. Dain doesn't know how to respond, even though the human has touched him before. He has kissed him before, too, but when the Ol feels those warm, _real_ lips press to the corner of his he's struck with an overwhelming urge to shudder. He doesn't; he sits still and looks at him through those dark, gentle eyes he wears. Lief gazes back at him with that strange, tender look Dain suddenly doesn't really know how to react to. It has never been hard for him to pretend in these situations at all.

(Dain promises himself that if he ever finds a living Toran, he'll kill them, no questions asked.)

Then Lief's arms are around him again and he lets himself sigh, exasperated but strangely comfortable. The boy is talking again. "I don't know what it's like for you... but I miss my parents, too, you know."

He resists the urge to roll his eyes. "Yeah, you're a long way from home, aren't you?"

"Mm." The Ol almost flinches when he feels Lief's bare hand - when did he take his gloves off? - slide up the back of his neck into his hair. He's _petting_ him, Dain realises with utmost disgust, like he's an ailing child or a pet. Though he does not appreciate being patronised, he sits still and allows it. For now. "But... I know my parents would be proud that I'm making a difference... and I have Father's sword and Mother's cloak. Even if we're apart, we're all - all protecting one another."

Dain can hear the words catching occasionally in his throat. He'd laugh if he could... but strangely, he doesn't really want to. He means to say something about how it's not very considerate to say something like that to an orphan. Instead he asks, "What are they like?"

He lets Lief talk about his parents while he leans against his side and wonders if even for a _moment_ Lief has considered that he mightn't be who he claims to be. Then again, it's not really fair to judge the boy's intelligence on that. That would be like expecting a sheep to speak English; it simply isn't realistic to expect Lief to measure up to such a vastly superior creature as himself.

A pity, really. He's fond of him, in his own way.

* * *

><p>He underestimates his own ability to keep Lief at a comfortable distance and it culminates in a clumsy tryst in the Valley of the Lost the night before they depart for Withick Mire. Lief is very noble about it, of course; tells him he respects him as a friend and ally and it's just that, well, you see, um, well, I'm not sure about you but...<p>

...That sort of thing.

Dain isn't stupid, and he knows Lief isn't, either. The human has accepted that one or both of them might die, he just doesn't know it's going to be him yet because he still hasn't figured out the shy Resistance boy who he's been making doe eyes at is actually an inhuman monster. Once again, Dain can't blame him for being tricked by such a brilliant actor.

The Ol has never had sex before - it's simply never been a priority - and Lief hasn't either. Which is just _peachy_, Dain thinks as the human's hands run over his false body, even though he can't bring himself to mind an awful lot. It's not either of their faults that Lief needs to be killed. Dain even finds himself wishing it didn't have to be like that. He's rather endearing, in his own way, and even whispers against his neck that Dain is beautiful, the most beautiful person he's ever seen.

Well, he's a sixteen year old boy - even if he's achieved a hundred times more than most humans his age - and he'd probably say that to anyone willing to get him off. Dain tries to imagine that's all there is to it so he doesn't feel that weird pang in the left side of his chest that he knows he was never meant to feel. He realizes he felt the same way after Tora, only this time he doesn't have the excuse of a magic evil-purging gateway to hide behind. Perhaps it was Lief all along and the Torans have nothing to do with it. Maybe it's simply the realization that he _wants to do this;_ that he too suddenly fears his own mortality, and is caught up in the pathetic, human need to be close and warm to someone who wants to make him feel better.

Worse than that is the realization that he's jealous of Lief's ability to be so open and genuine, and that for a fleeting stupid moment he wants to _tell him_, to ruin his master's plans and tell him _everything_. But before he really knows it they're making love and Lief's lips are quieting any confessions he might like to make about how he's actually a shapeshifting monster whose ultimate goal is to kill him and everyone he cares about.

It's just as well, really. Those sorts of statements tend to ruin the mood a little.

Still, when it's over and they're lying wrapped up in one another's arms in the relative solitude of a small copse of trees a few yards away from any of the others, Dain manages to tell him that he's sorry.

"Why?" Lief asks. The Ol tries not to let the genuine anxiety in his voice bother him.

"I'm not... perfect," he says simply, because he supposes that's the root of all his issues in the end.

"I know... but I don't mind." Lief kisses his forehead, pulls the blankets over them both and holds him close against his chest. Dain can't help but find it bitterly amusing that they've both literally just slept with the enemy, only Lief doesn't know it yet and now is not the time to break it to him. "I love you, Dain."

The Ol lets it sink in for a moment, then the boy replies, "I love you, Lief."

Dain wonders when he became such a good liar that he could fool even himself into thinking such a flimsy, human concept was possible for something like him.

* * *

><p>Unfortunately, Lief isn't as obliging as he might have hoped when it comes time to break the news to him, though that might be something to do with the fact that he's just betrayed every single one of his "human" friends at once. It's a pity they can't see the funny side of it, really; then they could all be enjoying themselves. He might even be able to have a few of the more amusing ones spared. One can never have too many slaves, and with the fight they've put up he wagers a few of them might even earn some respect in the Shadow Arena.<p>

Some, he thinks with his cruel eyes settled on Lief, might simply make good pets.

He tells him as much when they fight on the turrets and the rest of the useless creatures fight his kin in the courtyard below. If Lief would just bow his head and accept defeat, Dain feels quite sure he might be allowed to keep him provided he can get him to behave. Of course, the human has too much damn pride for that. He's so uncooperative - always has been. Why couldn't he be like Doom, who simply told him that life was horrible and to shut up and deal with it?

Why did he have to give Dain the idea that things could be different?

"I could have been his_favorite_," he tells him at the end. On a hopeless whim, he reaches out for the warmth one more time.

The very last thing he is aware of is Lief holding out his hand in return. In that moment, he suddenly believes every kind gesture and gentle word the boy ever showed him.

"I'm sorry."

Those words, these _feelings_, coincide so perfectly with the final failure of his heart that Dain might swear they are what really kill him.

* * *

><p><em>What are you doing here, Fallow?<em>

"I have done as you instructed. Dain is dead. He fell to the human, Lief."

A pause. The Ol looks up, eyes curious. His rival is dead and he is glad, but he expected something a little less... anticlimactic.

"I understand it isn't my place, my Lord, but I couldn't help but wonder...?"

_He was never meant to survive._

Fallow supposes he can't argue with that. The brat had always been impulsive; he'd known that would be his undoing. Anyway, if he was stupid enough to turn away from a battle simply because he was goading him, he'd been asking for it. "My Lord?"

_To accomplish its task, I had it become more human than any of my other creations. It is to my own credit that it did not backfire... the possibility existed that it might have mutated further. _Such a creature must serve its function and accept its fate. A pity it could be of no further use.__

"My Lord, I hope I do not disappoint you similarly."

_As do I. Now, go. Kill the boy. If you succeed, you will be rewarded, Fallow... my favourite._

* * *

><p><em>and how much time do we have left before it's midnight<em>

_and you see that i was never the right size?_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>Why did I write this? Just... why? Strangely enough, when I started writing I actually meant for it to be... well, basically porn (deep as a puddle, I am). Of course my writing has a mind of its own and nothing ever turns out quite the way I want it to. I think I need to focus more on Lief next time, but I just like writing with Dain too much! I wanted to write something like this since I rewatched the episode of the anime where Dain dies, because I actually find his last words very heartbreaking. I

I'd also like to write more about Doom and Dain. I think their relationship would be very complex.

It's probably an unpopular opinion, but I find a lot of the characters much more likeable in the anime. Lief, for example, I absolutely love in the show but I disliked him a lot in the books; I found him very wooden. In the last series I liked him a bit more but found his "happy ending" a little unrealistic - that guy has _seen some shit_. I think it would have been more interesting to show him living and coping with the consequences rather than just living happily ever after and... casually marrying Jasmine? I remember knowing that was going to happen and wondering why there wasn't more build up, but nope they just randomly got married out of nowhere. Good for them, I guess? Again the anime changed my opinion on that pairing too; in the show the trio was just so _familial_ that I now find it incredibly disturbing to see them paired off with one another when I never used to care. xD

I still feel a little bit dirty slashing a series I read when I was like... eight. My inner child is probably very worried right now.

Going to stop writing this now because it's more of an "author's goddamn essay" than "author's notes", but I hope you liked it anyway. If you didn't, I don't blame you, so don't feel bad. P:


End file.
